Shock Is Wearing Off And Reality Is Setting In…

Dad reading Carter a book

Carter tired of walking the floor, ready to be held

Carter finally in Dad's arms

Carter has cancer. We created this blog to keep everyone informed on the progress of Carter’s battle with liver cancer. However, we also are doing it because Carter (most likely) will not remember any of it. And we want him to look back and know that through the ups and downs of this ordeal, he succeeded.

The shock of the original diagnosis is wearing off and is slowly becoming a reality. Matt and I have talked about it, and are both experiencing the same feelings. In order to keep sane, we must leave the hospital every so often and venture out into the real world. Matt has been at the hospital day and night for the past several days, so I made him get out for a couple hours and take a break today (even for a short while). However, it’s so strange to be out places. You see people getting mad at missing out on a parking spot, or yelling at their children because they are taking too long to pick out something in the store. You just want to tell them your baby is battling liver cancer, and in the scheme of things (real life) it’s not that detrimental. I’ve also seen people excited as they head out for the beach or friends eating lunch together laughing, and I find myself yearning for the time when life didn’t seem so challenging. Then, I go back into the hospital room with Carter and it all comes into focus. He isn’t questioning any of it, he’s just fighting. This is his reality.

A friend of mine from college has a cousin who’s son battled hepatoblastoma. I got a chance to talk to her yesterday. It was so good to hear her story and the success in the end. Her son has his 5-year scan later this month, and then he will be considered cured. I cried while talking to her, because I’m so happy for them and so envious of where they are in this process. I can’t wait to get there. Yet, I want to enjoy these great and innocent years with the boys. My goal is to get through this treatment as quickly, painlessly and successfully as possible. Carter is being a champ and leading the way!

Before going to the hospital this morning, I ran around town getting goodies I thought Carter couldn’t turn down to eat. We had success with something…donuts! Carter ate six donut holes today. It was the only thing he ate all day, but it was something! Hopefully, tomorrow we’ll have better luck. Carter had his weekly chemo drug today and slept through most of it. Then, we gave him a bath and changed his Broviac dressing. He has developed a rash all over his chest area and a little on his arms. We don’t know if it’s a reaction to a drug, bandage, cleaning solution or maybe a heat rash. Luckily, it happened while we’re still in the hospital, so they can help monitor it. Finally, this afternoon we made him get out of bed for a while. We wanted him to walk around the floor, but he just wanted to be held by Dad. We did get him to walk a little, and he is walking on his toes quite a bit which is a rare side effect of one of the chemo drugs. Along with jaw pain, this weekly chemo drug causes joint pain in your ankles and feet. These are harsh drugs with harsh side effects, but they are killing off and shrinking something much worse.

** Special shout out to Eric Harvie and Nick Abramson (and of course, Katy and Kim). You guys are amazing for thinking of us like you did and we are so grateful. You really don’t know how much that meant to us!!!!

Also to Kim Krotts and Stasia Mitchell…when all else fails make sure you’re fed. Thank you both for helping keep our bellies filled!