Today was a day full of emotions. I had everyone at Hoag Hospital geared up to discharge Davis and me early so we could get home and see Carter before he and Matt left for CHOC. We were able to get home around 9:30am and they were going to have to leave at noon.
The boys were absolutely adorable with Davis, admiring him and singing to him. It was so awesome to see. We all had lunch together, and then it was time for Carter and Matt to leave. While I was hugging Carter, I lost it. Suddenly, it all didn't seem fair. I wanted us to all stay together. I felt helpless not to be going with Carter into this next round of chemo. It was almost too much. I was not allowing Carter to see my face because he needs to be ready to fight, but I just couldn't stop myself from crying either. We knew it would be a hard week...physically and emotionally. And I know Matt and Carter will make a great team at CHOC. Take care of each other guys and hurry home! We miss you and love you tons!!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
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Awwww Kara you have been through so much you are allowed to loose it. Look at it this way, maybe you can get some sleep since you have help and when Carter gets home you will be recovered or at least feeling stronger. You have had a wild couple of days so cut yourself some slack and maybe treat yourself to a little sip of wine! Take care and breathe...it will all be OK and before you know it Carter will be home singing away. Big hugs...get some sleep and take care of yourself so you can take care of all your little boys. xoxo John and Cindy
ReplyDeleteKara - Sweet girl, I agree with John and Cindy, you are allowed to have these tears. You have gone through so much in the last month especially. Lots of prayers coming your way to brighten your heart.
ReplyDeleteI must tell you, all my friends called and said "Look at her she looks like a model and she just had a baby". You are so beautiful on the outside but unbelieveably gorgeous on the inside.
I hope this day brings you joy with allll the boys.
Lots of love, Auntie Tink
It is ok to lose it now and then. I know you want to be there for Carter, but little Davis needs you a bit more. Carter is a trooper and I have no doubt he is going through this round like a pro. Besides this gives Matt & Carter more bonding time while you have your bonding time with Davis. Many hugs and many more blessings!
ReplyDeleteOf course you were crying, I often cry just reading your blog. Don't be so tough on yourself, you just had a baby with hormones all over the place and you may be used to this battle Carter is fighting but it is still something no mother should have to watch her toddler go through. You have been amazingly strong and are almost there!
ReplyDeleteUse this time to give Davis that one on one time that will be harder to give when you are all home together. Congratulations again, you have a beautiful family!
Gina
I seriously think you can do anything! You are someone that keeps me going. Thank you for that.
ReplyDeleteIf you didn't break down, you wouldn't be human. It amazes me that you keep it all together given very extreme circumstances you function under. I am inspired daily by this blog (you) in so many ways. You remind us all to keep focused on what is most important in this world: love and family. And you know what? It is NOT fair. It sucks, matter of fact! Little Davis is so lucky to have two brothers and parents who are tough as nails and willing to do whatever it takes to protect him. Sending you lots of hugs today.
ReplyDeleteXOXO Daralyn
You have remained strong and courageous for so long, always putting on a positive face for Carter. Your tears were long overdue. The emotional, mental and physical exhaustion has taken it's toll on your body, mind and soul. Try to get some rest and enjoy these precious first days with Davis. Daddy and Carter will be ok! My thoughts and prayers are with all of you today...especially Carter. My heart is cheering him on!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Andrea Pieretti
Kara-
ReplyDeleteJust remember that your body, heart and mind are in recovery...from the trauma of the last four months, as well as birth, which, although it went well, is a "traumatic" event--even though it's a happy one! So many have said, and are right, that you are human, and if all of this did't take its toll a bit, you wouldn't be. Know that Matt and Carter are doing this together, and you know Matt wouldn't let him down (or your family) by doing anything less than what you both have been doing all along.
Enjoy your precious baby boy, get some rest, stay hydrated, and eat! The better care you take of yourself right now, the better you can be for all your beautiful boys.
Keeping you all in my prayers...and Daralyn is right too--your family and this blog are a daily inspiration and a reminder of all the blessings in life.
ITB-
Jenny
I totally agree, your tears were long overdue!!! I wouldn't imagine anything different as this is an extremely difficult time emotionally for you and everyone. I know you feel you should be and want to be with Carter but also need to be (and want to be ) home with Baby Davis and Bennett and you can't possibly be in both places at the same time. You are best when you are taking the best are of yourself the best you can to be there for everyone as you have been all along. Matt and Carter will be an excellent team through round #5 and you can cheer them on from home. It will all pass soon enough so you can be together as you should be. This absolutely isn't fair that you all have to experience this situation but you are stronger for doing so and your family is too!!! We so admire you all each and every day and look forward to reading about your strength that prevails as it gives us strength also.
ReplyDeleteYou just enjoy that sweet little baby and big Brother Bennett at home and know this will pass in a few days!
We love you all and are praying for you always
Shelley H. and Family